Saturday, May 24, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Congratulations to David Cook from “American Idol.” He got aan amazing 50 million votes. He got so many votes, Hillary offered him the VP spot.
You know the difference between “American Idol” and the Democratic primary? They count the votes from Florida and Michigan.
Democrats had their primaries in Oregon and Kentucky. You know what that means? Nothing. When’s it going to be over? It’s like a bad NBC show that’s still on the air.
Actually it’s a big victory for Hillary. She won big in Kentucky. Of course, now she can move on to the Belmont Stakes.
While she was in Louisville, they showed her on the news in the mall trying on different pairs of reading glasses. Apparently she can’t read the writing on the wall.
David Letterman
How about that presidential campaign? Hillary Clinton still in the race, winning delegates, though she has no chance of winning. That’s like the losing team in the World Series, continuing to show up at the stadium.
She’s in debt; her campaign is $21 million in debt. Now, when she gets that 3 a.m. phone call? It’s from a loan shark.
She just keeps showing up. She won in Kentucky, nowit’s off to Puerto Rico, then Cuba, the Falkland Islands . . .
She’s ready for her next primary in Puerto Rico. She plans on campaigning in a skimpy two-piece pantsuit.
Conan O'Brien
Yesterday while campaigning in Kentucky, Hillary Clinton stopped at a drugstore and bought a pair of reading glasses. Then she picked up a newspaper and said, “Holy crap — I gotta drop out of this thing!”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Now that celebrity dancing and karaoke singing are over, it’s time to catch up on other news. Did you know there’s a black guy and a lady running for president?
America has a new American Idol. Hillary Clinton called the loser, David Archuleta, and told him not to give up.
Jay Leno
Congratulations to David Cook from “American Idol.” He got aan amazing 50 million votes. He got so many votes, Hillary offered him the VP spot.
You know the difference between “American Idol” and the Democratic primary? They count the votes from Florida and Michigan.
Democrats had their primaries in Oregon and Kentucky. You know what that means? Nothing. When’s it going to be over? It’s like a bad NBC show that’s still on the air.
Actually it’s a big victory for Hillary. She won big in Kentucky. Of course, now she can move on to the Belmont Stakes.
While she was in Louisville, they showed her on the news in the mall trying on different pairs of reading glasses. Apparently she can’t read the writing on the wall.
David Letterman
How about that presidential campaign? Hillary Clinton still in the race, winning delegates, though she has no chance of winning. That’s like the losing team in the World Series, continuing to show up at the stadium.
She’s in debt; her campaign is $21 million in debt. Now, when she gets that 3 a.m. phone call? It’s from a loan shark.
She just keeps showing up. She won in Kentucky, nowit’s off to Puerto Rico, then Cuba, the Falkland Islands . . .
She’s ready for her next primary in Puerto Rico. She plans on campaigning in a skimpy two-piece pantsuit.
Conan O'Brien
Yesterday while campaigning in Kentucky, Hillary Clinton stopped at a drugstore and bought a pair of reading glasses. Then she picked up a newspaper and said, “Holy crap — I gotta drop out of this thing!”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Now that celebrity dancing and karaoke singing are over, it’s time to catch up on other news. Did you know there’s a black guy and a lady running for president?
America has a new American Idol. Hillary Clinton called the loser, David Archuleta, and told him not to give up.
