Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
According to the most recent exit polls, most people say that Hillary should exit.
The latest rumor is that Hillary’s campaign is going broke. Her staff has been told that future campaign events will have to cut back on the frills. For example, when traveling, Bill and Hillary now have to share a hotel room. It’s going to be a hardship.
But you know something? I think she’s getting a little desperate. Like today in a small town in West Virginia, Hillary Clinton told a crowd that not only are she and Bill husband and wife, they are also brother and sister.
Hillary Clinton is not throwing in the pantsuit.
According to The New York Times, Bill Clinton, while on stage, was actually wiping away a tear. When Hillary saw this, she said, “Don’t worry, Bill. I’ll always be here with you.” And he said, “Don’t make it worse.”
The pundits say Hillary Clinton’s campaign will most likely survive until mid-June. On the Republican side, they say they are optimistic that John McCain will also survive until at least mid-June.
I’m getting inspired by Hillary Clinton. Maybe I won’t leave either.
David Letterman
Hillary Clinton is a fighter. Too bad her campaign is running out of money. And they’re not paying their bills. Here’s what happened today: A collection agency repoed her pantsuit.
She has one thing in common with President Bush: Neither of them has an exit strategy.
Conan O'Brien
The other day Hillary Clinton told reporters that she is the designated worrier in the family. Hillary said that she wakes up every night at 4 a.m. and worries about where her husband is.
It has been reported that Barack Obama has been negotiating for Hillary Clinton to go away. When he heard this, Bill Clinton said, “I’d love to know how that works.”
Hillary’s advisers say that the chances of her giving up the nomination to Barack is only about 10 percent. However, they say that if he should win the presidency, that number could go as high as 11 percent.
Craig Ferguson
A new economic study coming out today shows that women have an easier time getting a job than men. All except Hillary Clinton.
Democrats are really trying to pressure Hillary to drop out. She hasn’t faced this much pressure from another Democrat since Bill tried to get her into a three-way.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The Democrats are in a tough spot: If the superdelegates nominate Clinton, they will alienate a lot of African-American voters. If Obama wins, there are going to be a lot of disappointed women voters, which is why I think more than ever we need a president Oprah.
Jay Leno
According to the most recent exit polls, most people say that Hillary should exit.
The latest rumor is that Hillary’s campaign is going broke. Her staff has been told that future campaign events will have to cut back on the frills. For example, when traveling, Bill and Hillary now have to share a hotel room. It’s going to be a hardship.
But you know something? I think she’s getting a little desperate. Like today in a small town in West Virginia, Hillary Clinton told a crowd that not only are she and Bill husband and wife, they are also brother and sister.
Hillary Clinton is not throwing in the pantsuit.
According to The New York Times, Bill Clinton, while on stage, was actually wiping away a tear. When Hillary saw this, she said, “Don’t worry, Bill. I’ll always be here with you.” And he said, “Don’t make it worse.”
The pundits say Hillary Clinton’s campaign will most likely survive until mid-June. On the Republican side, they say they are optimistic that John McCain will also survive until at least mid-June.
I’m getting inspired by Hillary Clinton. Maybe I won’t leave either.
David Letterman
Hillary Clinton is a fighter. Too bad her campaign is running out of money. And they’re not paying their bills. Here’s what happened today: A collection agency repoed her pantsuit.
She has one thing in common with President Bush: Neither of them has an exit strategy.
Conan O'Brien
The other day Hillary Clinton told reporters that she is the designated worrier in the family. Hillary said that she wakes up every night at 4 a.m. and worries about where her husband is.
It has been reported that Barack Obama has been negotiating for Hillary Clinton to go away. When he heard this, Bill Clinton said, “I’d love to know how that works.”
Hillary’s advisers say that the chances of her giving up the nomination to Barack is only about 10 percent. However, they say that if he should win the presidency, that number could go as high as 11 percent.
Craig Ferguson
A new economic study coming out today shows that women have an easier time getting a job than men. All except Hillary Clinton.
Democrats are really trying to pressure Hillary to drop out. She hasn’t faced this much pressure from another Democrat since Bill tried to get her into a three-way.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The Democrats are in a tough spot: If the superdelegates nominate Clinton, they will alienate a lot of African-American voters. If Obama wins, there are going to be a lot of disappointed women voters, which is why I think more than ever we need a president Oprah.
Labels: C
