Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
It was so hot, Hillary Clinton challenged Barack Obama to another debate just so she could get the cold shoulder.
After that long, drawn-out primary in Pennsylvania, our choices are still the same. You've got McCain, Obama, and Clinton. Or to use their pro-wrestling names: the Geezer, the Pleaser, or the Freezer.
Big announcement today from the Hillary Clinton campaign. She says if you count the votes that don't count, she's winning.
As you know, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are now arguing over who has received the most overall votes during the primaries. Hillary's people have one way of counting, the popular vote, and Barack's people have another way of counting. I'm beginning to understand why the Democrats keep blowing all these elections — they haven't figured out how to count votes.
Conan O'Brien
Hillary Clinton says she’s willing to debate Barack Obama “anytime, anywhere” and would even meet him in the back of a truck. Which is surprising, because the “anytime, anywhere, even in the back of a truck” offer is usually made by Bill Clinton.
After the Pennsylvania primary, Barack Obama has resigned himself for a long, drawn-out battle with Hillary Clinton. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, “Yeah . . . join the club.”
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs Hillary Clinton Is Exhausted
10. Spends most of her time campaigning in Sleepy's mattress stores
9. Barely has enough energy to lie about battling Bosnian snipers
8. Last night, spent 2 hours debating a coat rack
7. Agreed not to dispute Florida and Michigan delegates in exchange for a nap
6. Announced a new tax break for kitties
5. Greeted Philadelphia voters with, "It's great to be back in Tacoma!"
4. She's mismatching her pantsuits
3. When asked how she'd fight terrorism, she said, "Two words: Iron Man"
2. 3 a.m. phone call? "Let the machine get it"
1. So tired, she actually crawled in to bed with Bill
Jay Leno
It was so hot, Hillary Clinton challenged Barack Obama to another debate just so she could get the cold shoulder.
After that long, drawn-out primary in Pennsylvania, our choices are still the same. You've got McCain, Obama, and Clinton. Or to use their pro-wrestling names: the Geezer, the Pleaser, or the Freezer.
Big announcement today from the Hillary Clinton campaign. She says if you count the votes that don't count, she's winning.
As you know, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are now arguing over who has received the most overall votes during the primaries. Hillary's people have one way of counting, the popular vote, and Barack's people have another way of counting. I'm beginning to understand why the Democrats keep blowing all these elections — they haven't figured out how to count votes.
Conan O'Brien
Hillary Clinton says she’s willing to debate Barack Obama “anytime, anywhere” and would even meet him in the back of a truck. Which is surprising, because the “anytime, anywhere, even in the back of a truck” offer is usually made by Bill Clinton.
After the Pennsylvania primary, Barack Obama has resigned himself for a long, drawn-out battle with Hillary Clinton. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, “Yeah . . . join the club.”
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs Hillary Clinton Is Exhausted
10. Spends most of her time campaigning in Sleepy's mattress stores
9. Barely has enough energy to lie about battling Bosnian snipers
8. Last night, spent 2 hours debating a coat rack
7. Agreed not to dispute Florida and Michigan delegates in exchange for a nap
6. Announced a new tax break for kitties
5. Greeted Philadelphia voters with, "It's great to be back in Tacoma!"
4. She's mismatching her pantsuits
3. When asked how she'd fight terrorism, she said, "Two words: Iron Man"
2. 3 a.m. phone call? "Let the machine get it"
1. So tired, she actually crawled in to bed with Bill
