Monday, February 18, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
It’s Valentine’s Day. What do you call it when Bill and Hillary get together on Valentine’s Day? A fundraiser.
This has not been a good week for Hillary. I guess Bill bought her a dozen roses for Valentine’s Day . . . turns out seven of the roses have committed to Michelle Obama.
Not a good night for Hillary Clinton. She got the pantsuit beaten off of her.
Barack Obama now considered the front-runner. You know what they say, behind every successful man is a woman. Hillary was surprised to find out that it was her.
As you know, Barack has won the last eight primaries. I haven’t seen hillary this worried since they opened a Hooters in Chappaqua.
Actually they say the race between Barack and Hillary could be decided by the voters of Texas. Texas! Which is a comfort — when it comes to providing smart politicians, Texas is the place you want to be.
Awkward moment in Hillary Clinton’s campaign. I guess she told her staff to call Democrats with money, and they called Barack Obama.
They did a poll on whether Bill’s campaigning for Hillary helped her or hurt her. Well, 38 percent thought it helped; 36 percent thought it hurt. Then 26 percent said, “He never told me he was married!”
Conan O'Brien
During this past week, many people have been saying that Barack Obama has an edge over Hillary Clinton because of his wife Michelle. Actually, the only person saying that is Bill Clinton.
Big news for us, the writers' strike is finally over. While our writers were gone, Democratic candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama all declared their support for the writers' strike. Meanwhile, President Bush announced he’s in favor of a readers' strike.
Sen. Hillary Clinton has now lost eight primaries in a row to Barack Obama. Hillary dismissed Obama’s success by saying, "He’s only winning states with a huge African-American population — like Maine."
Craig Ferguson
Bill Clinton had a big Valentine’s Day celebration today, got a fancy hotel room covered in candles and rose petals for the woman he loves . . . then he went home to Hillary.
Bad news for Hillary Clinton. She’s lost more primaries! She’s calling her supporters to let them know her campaign is not in financial trouble. The embarrassing part is she’s calling them collect.
Earlier today Hillary promised that her husband wouldn’t be involved in any sex scandals if she were elected president. Also today, Bill Clinton backed Barack Obama.
David Letterman
How about the presidential race? Hillary Clinton is trailing Barack Obama. Indications are she getting a little nervous, maybe a little desperate. Earlier today, she showed up wearing a painted-on pantsuit.
How about that Mitt Romney? I’m going to miss him. He’s like the archaeologist who ignored the curse of the mummy’s tomb.
Jay Leno
It’s Valentine’s Day. What do you call it when Bill and Hillary get together on Valentine’s Day? A fundraiser.
This has not been a good week for Hillary. I guess Bill bought her a dozen roses for Valentine’s Day . . . turns out seven of the roses have committed to Michelle Obama.
Not a good night for Hillary Clinton. She got the pantsuit beaten off of her.
Barack Obama now considered the front-runner. You know what they say, behind every successful man is a woman. Hillary was surprised to find out that it was her.
As you know, Barack has won the last eight primaries. I haven’t seen hillary this worried since they opened a Hooters in Chappaqua.
Actually they say the race between Barack and Hillary could be decided by the voters of Texas. Texas! Which is a comfort — when it comes to providing smart politicians, Texas is the place you want to be.
Awkward moment in Hillary Clinton’s campaign. I guess she told her staff to call Democrats with money, and they called Barack Obama.
They did a poll on whether Bill’s campaigning for Hillary helped her or hurt her. Well, 38 percent thought it helped; 36 percent thought it hurt. Then 26 percent said, “He never told me he was married!”
Conan O'Brien
During this past week, many people have been saying that Barack Obama has an edge over Hillary Clinton because of his wife Michelle. Actually, the only person saying that is Bill Clinton.
Big news for us, the writers' strike is finally over. While our writers were gone, Democratic candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama all declared their support for the writers' strike. Meanwhile, President Bush announced he’s in favor of a readers' strike.
Sen. Hillary Clinton has now lost eight primaries in a row to Barack Obama. Hillary dismissed Obama’s success by saying, "He’s only winning states with a huge African-American population — like Maine."
Craig Ferguson
Bill Clinton had a big Valentine’s Day celebration today, got a fancy hotel room covered in candles and rose petals for the woman he loves . . . then he went home to Hillary.
Bad news for Hillary Clinton. She’s lost more primaries! She’s calling her supporters to let them know her campaign is not in financial trouble. The embarrassing part is she’s calling them collect.
Earlier today Hillary promised that her husband wouldn’t be involved in any sex scandals if she were elected president. Also today, Bill Clinton backed Barack Obama.
David Letterman
How about the presidential race? Hillary Clinton is trailing Barack Obama. Indications are she getting a little nervous, maybe a little desperate. Earlier today, she showed up wearing a painted-on pantsuit.
How about that Mitt Romney? I’m going to miss him. He’s like the archaeologist who ignored the curse of the mummy’s tomb.
