Thursday, January 10, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Congratulations to Hillary Clinton! Despite all the predictions by pundits, Hillary Clinton refused to roll over. How many times has Bill heard that.
Former President Bill Clinton says he's more worried about his wife's campaign than he's ever been about his own election. Well, sure — he knows if she loses they have to go home together.
And Hillary Clinton's campaign staff said that "losing in Iowa is not a problem, because getting beat will make us a better team." Certainly worked for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
David Letterman
Hillary Clinton won the New Hampshire primary. It was a surprising victory, and today she is denying she used human growth hormone.
Political experts and pundits are saying she got a boost by showing actual emotions. She actully showed emotion. And I thought, "Gee . . . I wonder if that could work for me."
Craig Ferguson
Of course I'm going to talk about the primaries. On Monday, Hillary got all tearied up . . . she cried. People are saying that's why she did so well. And they're criticizing her for crying as well. If she doesn't cry, she's robot. If she does cry, she's an emotional crying robot.
The New Hampshire primary is today. It was warm day too. Bill Clinton took some time out to rub some sunscreen on the backs of Hillary's interns.
Bill Clinton: "I think I missed a spot on your primary . . ."
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Hillary clinton won the Democratic primary last night. She beat Oprah's husband by a slim margin.
There's a long way to go. You know there are 50 states now.
Bill Clinton lashed out at Barack Obama yesterday. He accused him of running a fairy tale campaign. It's fairy tale in which a very horny king tries to get his queen elected to the White House so he can go out and fornicate with maidens . . . but a handsome black prince comes along and screws the whole thing up for him.
They held the New Hampshire caucuses today. The results are in, and as expected, a big comeback for John McCain on the Republican side, and when I last checked Hillary Clinton had a slight lead for the Democrats over Barack Obama. It was so close they almost had to call Oprah in to make a final decision.
Jay Leno
Congratulations to Hillary Clinton! Despite all the predictions by pundits, Hillary Clinton refused to roll over. How many times has Bill heard that.
Former President Bill Clinton says he's more worried about his wife's campaign than he's ever been about his own election. Well, sure — he knows if she loses they have to go home together.
And Hillary Clinton's campaign staff said that "losing in Iowa is not a problem, because getting beat will make us a better team." Certainly worked for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
David Letterman
Hillary Clinton won the New Hampshire primary. It was a surprising victory, and today she is denying she used human growth hormone.
Political experts and pundits are saying she got a boost by showing actual emotions. She actully showed emotion. And I thought, "Gee . . . I wonder if that could work for me."
Craig Ferguson
Of course I'm going to talk about the primaries. On Monday, Hillary got all tearied up . . . she cried. People are saying that's why she did so well. And they're criticizing her for crying as well. If she doesn't cry, she's robot. If she does cry, she's an emotional crying robot.
The New Hampshire primary is today. It was warm day too. Bill Clinton took some time out to rub some sunscreen on the backs of Hillary's interns.
Bill Clinton: "I think I missed a spot on your primary . . ."
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Hillary clinton won the Democratic primary last night. She beat Oprah's husband by a slim margin.
There's a long way to go. You know there are 50 states now.
Bill Clinton lashed out at Barack Obama yesterday. He accused him of running a fairy tale campaign. It's fairy tale in which a very horny king tries to get his queen elected to the White House so he can go out and fornicate with maidens . . . but a handsome black prince comes along and screws the whole thing up for him.
They held the New Hampshire caucuses today. The results are in, and as expected, a big comeback for John McCain on the Republican side, and when I last checked Hillary Clinton had a slight lead for the Democrats over Barack Obama. It was so close they almost had to call Oprah in to make a final decision.
