Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Late-Night Jokes About Sen. Hillary Clinton
"Hillary Clinton said today that public appearances with her and Bill would be rare. The only thing more rare? Private appearances with her and Bill." --Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton's campaign has issued a statement saying she and Bill will be together this weekend in Selma, Alabama, which will be their first joint appearance together in a month. That's when you know you have a bad marriage -- when you have to put out a press release saying you'll be together for the weekend. You need cameras to record it, in case people don't believe you" --Jay Leno
"According to this week's Newsweek magazine, Hillary's campaign refuses to consider Bill Clinton's infidelity. ... They called it 'the elephant in the room that no one wants to address.' Which is what got Clinton in trouble in the first place ... the elephant in the room." --Jay Leno
"You all excited about the 2008 presidential election? There's some interesting potential matchups. For example, Hillary Clinton and Rudy Giuliani. ... On the one hand, you have a pushy New Yorker with a history marital problems. Or, you have a pushy New Yorker with a history marital problems." --David Letterman
"Hillary Clinton's campaign wants Barack Obama to publicly renounce Hollywood producer David Geffen's statement attacking the Clintons. ... Geffen said, 'I know everyone in politics has to lie, but the Clintons do it with such ease, it's troubling.' I think that's an unfair statement. Just because you're really good at something doesn't mean it's easy." --Jay Leno
"It looks like Hollywood is starting to turn on Hillary Clinton. Hollywood mogul David Geffen -- he's given huge amounts to the Clintons -- told columnist Maureen Dowd of the New York Times that Hillary Clinton is too scripted, that Bill Clinton is reckless, and both of the Clintons lie so easily it's troubling. Bad scripts, reckless behavior, and lying -- thank God that kind of thing can never happen here in Hollywood." --Jay Leno
"The latest political rumor is that if Hillary Clinton wins the presidency, she will be replaced in the Senate by her husband, Bill Clinton. When asked about it, Bill Clinton said, 'I dream of replacing Hillary every day.'" --Conan O'Brien
"Political experts are now saying that to win the presidency in 2008 a candidate has to get hot at the right time. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, 'Hillary's doomed'" --Conan O'Brien
"Justice Department officials have determined that a president of the United States does have the legal authority to have someone killed ... in the United States. And today, Bill Clinton withdrew his support for Hillary." --Jay Leno
"This week at a fashion show in Rome, a line of dresses were introduced that feature huge pictures of Hillary Clinton's face. When he heard this, Bill Clinton said, 'Finally, Hillary's face on another woman's body.'" --Conan O'Brien
"Is anybody really that surprised that Hillary Clinton is running for president? I'm not surprised. I mean, if you were married to Bill Clinton ... wouldn't you want to be able to tap his phone, read his mail, and torture him?" --Jay Leno
"Of course, the big question political experts are asking now is what role will Bill Clinton play in Hillary's campaign. I'm guessing 'the cheating husband.'" --Jay Leno
"Politics is a dirty business. Hillary Clinton announced she's running for president, and the Republicans are already busy digging up dirt. They found out that once in her lifetime she slept with Bill Clinton." --David Letterman
"Yesterday, on a campaign trip, Hillary Clinton suggested that she knows how to deal with evil and bad men, like Osama bin Laden, because she had to put up with her husband. Which explains why Hillary wants to look for bin Laden at the nearest Hooters." --Conan O'Brien
"Hillary Clinton said today that public appearances with her and Bill would be rare. The only thing more rare? Private appearances with her and Bill." --Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton's campaign has issued a statement saying she and Bill will be together this weekend in Selma, Alabama, which will be their first joint appearance together in a month. That's when you know you have a bad marriage -- when you have to put out a press release saying you'll be together for the weekend. You need cameras to record it, in case people don't believe you" --Jay Leno
"According to this week's Newsweek magazine, Hillary's campaign refuses to consider Bill Clinton's infidelity. ... They called it 'the elephant in the room that no one wants to address.' Which is what got Clinton in trouble in the first place ... the elephant in the room." --Jay Leno
"You all excited about the 2008 presidential election? There's some interesting potential matchups. For example, Hillary Clinton and Rudy Giuliani. ... On the one hand, you have a pushy New Yorker with a history marital problems. Or, you have a pushy New Yorker with a history marital problems." --David Letterman
"Hillary Clinton's campaign wants Barack Obama to publicly renounce Hollywood producer David Geffen's statement attacking the Clintons. ... Geffen said, 'I know everyone in politics has to lie, but the Clintons do it with such ease, it's troubling.' I think that's an unfair statement. Just because you're really good at something doesn't mean it's easy." --Jay Leno
"It looks like Hollywood is starting to turn on Hillary Clinton. Hollywood mogul David Geffen -- he's given huge amounts to the Clintons -- told columnist Maureen Dowd of the New York Times that Hillary Clinton is too scripted, that Bill Clinton is reckless, and both of the Clintons lie so easily it's troubling. Bad scripts, reckless behavior, and lying -- thank God that kind of thing can never happen here in Hollywood." --Jay Leno
"The latest political rumor is that if Hillary Clinton wins the presidency, she will be replaced in the Senate by her husband, Bill Clinton. When asked about it, Bill Clinton said, 'I dream of replacing Hillary every day.'" --Conan O'Brien
"Political experts are now saying that to win the presidency in 2008 a candidate has to get hot at the right time. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, 'Hillary's doomed'" --Conan O'Brien
"Justice Department officials have determined that a president of the United States does have the legal authority to have someone killed ... in the United States. And today, Bill Clinton withdrew his support for Hillary." --Jay Leno
"This week at a fashion show in Rome, a line of dresses were introduced that feature huge pictures of Hillary Clinton's face. When he heard this, Bill Clinton said, 'Finally, Hillary's face on another woman's body.'" --Conan O'Brien
"Is anybody really that surprised that Hillary Clinton is running for president? I'm not surprised. I mean, if you were married to Bill Clinton ... wouldn't you want to be able to tap his phone, read his mail, and torture him?" --Jay Leno
"Of course, the big question political experts are asking now is what role will Bill Clinton play in Hillary's campaign. I'm guessing 'the cheating husband.'" --Jay Leno
"Politics is a dirty business. Hillary Clinton announced she's running for president, and the Republicans are already busy digging up dirt. They found out that once in her lifetime she slept with Bill Clinton." --David Letterman
"Yesterday, on a campaign trip, Hillary Clinton suggested that she knows how to deal with evil and bad men, like Osama bin Laden, because she had to put up with her husband. Which explains why Hillary wants to look for bin Laden at the nearest Hooters." --Conan O'Brien
